Fine. I'll sleep in my office
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
