So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize