Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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