Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
