This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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