apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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