dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
