Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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