Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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