Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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