If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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