I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Drake has all the answers
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
