i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
