if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
