Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
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