i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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