I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
