Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
There's even glitter on my cock...
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