I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Less talking, more tequila
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
