Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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