You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
