ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
