4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
