There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
