Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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