Kiss
Puke
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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