the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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