i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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