i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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