Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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