Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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