Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
