I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Can you bring me the toilet please
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
