I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
