I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
These tits shall not be calmed
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
