I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
