Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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