If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
