What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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