omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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