Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
