I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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