whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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