yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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