when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
