Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
