I can tuck mytits in my pants
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Panties = found
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
