weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my phone needs a breathalizer
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
