Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
