first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
