dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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