Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
well you can't waste a boner
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
