AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
