If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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