Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
