ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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