i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
