whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
