i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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