hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
