I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
