I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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