New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
