god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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