She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize