im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
