p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
