4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
