I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
